Ode to Backpacking

Can I do this? Do I remember how to do this?

Backpacking is just a mind game you play with yourself the miles are irrelevant, the pain is temporary, the feeling of accomplishment, pride and strength is … what it’s all about.

I love preparing for a trip. Making sure I’m not forgetting essentials like a knife, flashlight, water filter… a mental checklist as I go through all the items spread out in front of me. The excitement rises in me while I am placing every item thoughtfully in my pack so the weight is well proportioned and the snacks easy to reach. I love feeling the familiar pressure on my shoulders and hips like a hug from a friend you haven’t seen in a long time.

I’m usually pretty terrible at plotting a course. I just want to get out there! I’ll figure out where to set up my tent when I need to. Turns out the Minnesota underbrush is a little less friendly about random tenting than California.

If I only have a weekend to backpack I usually try to sleep at the trail head the night before. It gives me more time to mentally prepare and double check my list before I head into the woods for a night. I also love sleeping in my truck so any excuse works for me.

The most common question I get when I talk about backpacking is, “Don’t you get scared out there by yourself.” Not anymore, but I used to and I understand why you would ask. Backpacking is very unfamiliar ground for a lot of people. It can be intimidating especially when done completely alone and away from the comforting sounds, smells and interactions of your daily life. It’s quiet out there. It’s dark. There are creatures that make strange noises (and sound way bigger than they actually are) at night. I was afraid the first few times I went alone but I was more intrigued and curious and in love with what I was seeing and feeling that I kept doing it. At some point the fear stopped coming around. Now I sometimes desire it more than going home.

I know once I’m on the trail and my senses start to awaken again that my mind will just release. My thoughts will spew out into the world through the top of my head (that’s the way I envision it happening) and the vice on my mind will loosen. I will smile at nothing and tears will come to my eyes for no reason other than pure happiness and liberation. I will finally feel and know that I am free and my body will relax. I always picture myself being absorbed by my surroundings in that moment and I become the roots of the trees, the dirt, the flowers.

I predominantly backpack alone and yes I do sometimes get bored or lonely. I have not met many people in my current area that would enjoy the types of adventures I take. Nor do I really know how to share them with someone. It is such a spiritual practice for me that it would almost hurt too much if they didn’t get it or, God forbid, didn’t like it at all. My heart would be broken that I couldn’t show them the magic. So alone I will go into the woods and it will always be eye-opening, enjoyable and I will always learn something new about myself as I tread through the miles.

Being alone also helps me stay focused on my surroundings and in the moment. I’ve become more observant and steady on my feet. I’m not as jumpy or easily startled anymore. I’ve come within close proximity of bears, moose, elk, coyotes and other creatures and it’s nice to have the cognizance and wherewithal to enjoy the interaction safely. It all comes with time and patience.

There was no real point to writing this so I’m not really sure how to end it. Not that it matters much. 🙂